What is it about us that when we know that we NEED to get rest because we have an important anything coming up - we can't sleep!
I know that tomorrow is my chemo # 3 and yesterday I was on a mission to eat right and get plenty of rest so that I would have a head start on chemo day! The last time I looked at the clock it was 3 a.m. and I had not had a wink of sleep! I had cleaned out a closet and moved some things around in the guest bedroom plus I ate a little something to maybe make me feel sleepy...nothing doing! Oh wretched soul...
I remembered the God's night class theory so I prayed for anyone and everyone and sleep still ran the other way. I even watched a little television...blah blah blah.
I must have dozed off because I woke up at 6:30 when Mark's twitching arm kept tap tap tapping me in the side! What!... Huh!... Oh sorry...I thought I had been snoring but no, Mark was doing his early morning twitching ;) I think that must be when HIS meds are wearing out and he is maybe going through a little withdrawals...my answer for everything out of the ordinary from him. HA! I believe that I think that way because of my early morning shakes in my booze hound days! Thank the Lord I am not nursing a hangover as well as regrouping from chemotherapy...
Moving right along...so I went to Set Free early because it is Tuesday and where else would I be :) and my morning started out with a nice visit from Pam. We decided that we should not worry about tomorrow because all we have is today...as a confirmation, I got a text from Kay that Lisa had sent her Matthew 6...Awesome! Love texting!
Today I have been working on tearing down the stronghold of worry and fear. I guess worry is a form of fear isn't it.
I didn't recognize in the wee hours of the morning that I was worrying about my # 3 treatment. I only recognized that I could not get to sleep. It was quiet all around (except for Mark of course) but the silence had lots of whispers. Creepy...
I came home and took a little snooze and felt so much better.
OK flashlights...get your batteries charged up for tomorrow.
I go in at 9:30 for lab work and I see my oncologist at 10:00 (or is it 10:30 ) and chemo after that.
I already know the drill but tomorrow, as it was today, the battle field will be in my mind.
P.S I threw out eating healthy this morning when I text(ed) Beth and asked her to stop and pick up hash browns smothered with sausage gravy! YUM! Carol joined us as we bellied up to the table with our plastic forks and ate in style from our 'to go' containers. Yes, that's right, I ate with a joyful heart :)
THE JOY OF THE LORD IS MY STRENGTH but He doesn't mind if I indulge in carbs once in awhile.
Aug.2012
Mark and I ready for Blades wedding
The first ring
Dec. 7 2011
the bell of Victory!
Reading the plaque
Patients ring this bell on their last treatment.
6 comments:
I'll be praying for you when I wake up during the night and be thinking of you during the day as you go through another session of chemo. Wish I could be there to keep you company (and especially to eat!!)all the goodies...Love you Little Buddy
I will be one of your flashlights praying for you Julie. Oh how I wish I could be there with you through all this mess, but knowing you it would only be "allowed" for short spurts, then you would crack some joke and change the subject and off you will go again Ha Ha. Thats what I love about you most though..be blessed and at peace tomorrow. Keep thinking about His strong arms around you.
Batteries are charged and here comes a flahlight! It's a great big fog light that can penetrate through the darkest dark and the murkiest murk. (Are either one of those even words?)I'm also bringing great thoughts from all your Lewistown buddies that love you so much! See you soon Mama!
I am catching up on your posts that I recently missed while on our Denver trip. I was thinking of our trip to Denver with you and Mark a few years back when my worries were of driving on the icey roads. You had to witness my anxiety attack or whatever as I had to throw a blanket over my head, breathe in and out and recite the rosary. I remember when I "came to" and your look on your face was, "you have a problem, girl"!
My prayers will be with you today, and I will ask Our Lady to interceed to Our Lord for your comfort and may you be touched with grace. Love you and so glad you have flash lites around you.
Patty that was such a fun trip and as I remember, Boss Hogg (me) said 'throw a blanket over your head and you very dutifully did! Seemed to help though. I remember thinking how awful that kind of fear must be. We laughed alot afterwards but it was a whole new experience. I was praying too! I love and appreciate your comments. I don't feel alone and like I am blogging to no one. Although I guess when I journal I am really not journaling to anyone :) All about me dontcha know!
I always remember the saying, "The night is darkest before the dawn." And I found through the years that it's so true. It's when I have my darkest thoughts and hopelessness descends. But, when I see the sun come up, I realize it's a new day and up to me what I make of it. You have lots of strength and people who care for you in light and dark. Me? I still have my dark nights but the Ambien helps, though now it's for medicinal and not recreational purposes. I say the Hail Mary every night for you. Haven't gone to light a candle yet, but that's next - Love.
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