What emotion is this that came over me when I saw my little Autumn running up to me saying " LaLa, LaLa" over and over again? AND what emotion is THIS that overwhelms me to my very core as I carefully scoop her up and hold her for what seems like an eternity? Tears immediately fill my eyes and they spill over as I close them to try to hold her even closer. Not tears of sadness nor sorrow, just tears of joy and the feeling of 'THIS' is the reason I want to live and this IS the reason that I will go through whatever it takes to come back to 100% ! Dominic was so over his car ride that he didn't really care where he was, just get me out! All of my grand children under the same roof...life is good.
Summer looked great as usual and shortly after she arrived, Colleen showed up with coffees for us all. Carol was outside busy gathering up branches in the yard that have collected all winter...snowing here by the way...
We all had a little lunch visit for a couple of hours with Whitney joining us from upstairs and the cousins played for a little while. So fun to watch Julianna and Autumn hug like they had not seen each other for YEARS!
We laughed at silly things and cried over God miracles that have not stopped happening since day one. Did you get that? We were real with one another. We shared more than food...we shared tears and laughter as well. So much transparency has taken place in my heart and soul that I almost don't recognize my self. Sad how we live most of our lives wearing silly masks that keep us trapped . Totally speaking of myself of course ;)
In one of my cancer survivor books it talks about how when we can't sleep at night (which is happening nightly) for what ever reason, to think of them as ' God's night classes'. It is quiet and there is nothing to distract us from communicating with Him. With all around us dark and silent, we can talk to Him, and we can listen to what He has to tell us.
Awesome!
My blood work was great - am healthy as a horse ! ! ! I forget how many white soldiers I have fighting the good fight. The nurse that was weighing me got very quiet, as did I when the scales said that I had gained 30 plus pounds! She said she was trying to figure out in her head how and why that had happened! We looked over and Mark had little squints in the corner of his eyes and he had his foot on the scale as we were staring at the numbers at the top! HA! Whew! I had actually lost 4 pounds. We all had a good laugh and I was greatly relieved to not have to get bigger pants! Me thinks God's night classes will do something about the vanity I still carry around :)
Aug.2012
Mark and I ready for Blades wedding
The first ring
Dec. 7 2011
the bell of Victory!
Reading the plaque
Patients ring this bell on their last treatment.
4 comments:
Read the title and instantly had a comeback that I would have to sensor for the more "sensitive" readers...Ha! Then the next second I'm sobbing like a lunatic and snorting with laughter as I try to cover the sounds so not to wake the family while I read your blog. One day I will hold your hand and I will look into your ever knowing eyes and tell you how scared I am. I will tell you Please Mom, don't have the cancer! Please Mom keep "running like the wind, wear me out so I'm saying to you don't you ever stop!?" I will come home one of these days soon and tell Dana I don't know where she gets her insane energy and could I have it for just a little while. Until that day Mama you hold your grandbabies and feel their love for you and you and I will keep hustling and bustling so we don't have to stop and I don't have to hold your hand just yet. I love you War Buddy;)
Julie! Wow you are a truly amazing Child of OUR MOST HIGH GOD!!! What a wonderful heart you have and God IS going to heal you completely. I have you deep in my heart and in daily prayers. You are amazing, so amazing and inspiring! Keep on Keeping on! God is Good ALWAYS!!!!! With love, Candi Walker (Summer's Arizona Friend. :))
Julie, you truly are amazing! First I read your blog and immediately started blubbering over your comment about your grand-babies, (remember, you told me the love for your grandkids will consume you..it does) then I read Summers post and started all over again! YOU WILL BEAT THIS! I don't understand all the why's and I still keep asking, but His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not ours, but I do know how very much He loves you! I have been waking up in the wee hours too and Pam always taught me that this was "my shift" for praying. I like what you said about it being God's night classes. It is so comforting to just sit in His presence. Love you my friend, and your amazing family!
Again what a picture you paint with your words! So glad your family is close for you to hold and share life with. I am thankful for your daily miracles. Reading about your being awake at night and using that time to pray reminds me of
Dave Duncan sharing with Tom and I that if he were awake at night, he knew it must mean that he needed to pray, and that he would get out of bed on on his knees. That let me know so much about that man...visualizing him litterly on his knees in the middle of the night. One of many reason why we loved and respected him. I offered my prayers many times for you over this past Holy week and thank God blessing you with your family and friends all around you. Thanks for sharing that Mark is still playing pranks by putting his foot on the scale...what a guy!!
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