I am so new at this that I have no idea what I am doing blogging so I am going to 'journal'. In a few, very few hours I am finding out if I have indeed dodged yet another bullet or if I HAVE been hit, how serious is the wound.
I sort of get the feeling that I have been gut shot because I feel sick right now. I am tired and I feel like I have bled out. Except it's not blood that has oozed from my gut but tons of emotions. I am afraid one minute and giddy with hope another. I find anxiety waiting patiently around the corner and anger follows close behind. Dang it anyway! I really don't want to go through what I went through Friday (biopsy) and honestly I wish I could swim in denial for awhile. HEY! that was good...swim in 'de nile' ;) get it? I am sad that I am causing worry for Mark, who became my hero as I watched him go through the horror of chemotherapy with such dignity. Somehow it has become all about me again . . .
I was telling Vic that I feel like I am standing in front of the firing squad and hoping they miss. Like Keanu Reeves did in the Matrix...Except I can't do the back bend anymore.
Dr. said he was 99% certain I have a cancer tumor in one boob and that it is a stage 3. Let's see what the results are when they come in this afternoon. Whatever it is I truly believe that my Lord and Savior is with me and I want to honor Him in All. Mark and I are standing here with tears running down our faces at the memories of how awesome our God was while we went through that time in our lives. I have to remember that the God that carried us through that tough time is the same today!
AMEN! Do I hear an AMEN?
Let's get this party started...here I go (shaking in my boots, whistling in the dark)
HA! OMG...scared...help...seriously....help....:) feel better...not really....seriously God?
Aug.2012
Mark and I ready for Blades wedding
The first ring
Dec. 7 2011
the bell of Victory!
Reading the plaque
Patients ring this bell on their last treatment.
8 comments:
Mother!!!This is great! So many people are here for you. I love you and I know no matter what you will come out of this smelling like peaches!:) Ya Ya!!! YA YA YA YA!!!! CHARGE!!!
It's funny how some of those are/were my emotions that I was/am feeling. At first it was "Who is gonna take care of ME is Julie gets sick?" Then I realized it wasn't about me...I'm so scared but Little Buddy is praying like crazy (or in my case, a crazy woman praying!!) Love you Julie
I was crying reading this. Thank you for starting this. For being so great in sharing your feelings. I remember everything with dad and you know what? I think we are better knowing what to expect. No more getting caught off guard, and hey! a little "puff, puff, pass" along the way! Ok, maybe no "pass" :) Anyway mom you are the bravest, strongest person I know. I am so lucky to have you as my best friend and to be part of the MANY people taking this journey by your side.
Ok Ms Julie, remember the "I strong like bull", well, now we all have to be strong with you. We are here to help, cook, clean, weed, or whatever you need. Let us be there for the strongest woman I know, but we all need a little tiny bit of help at times. Love you so much and just hate this for you, but we will pray and pray and pray for you to get your strength from the Lord. I am not too good at writing, but will follow you thru however the words come out!!! It might be "damn it" at times, but whatever it will be. Keep on writing, you are good!
Hi Julie, Nothing I can think of to say seems adequate. My heart and prayers go out to you, Mark and the Girls. I am thankful you have them and your community with you. Please know you will be in my thoughts and prayers every step of the way. You have all withstood so much already and it has served to make you even stronger. There is not a doubt in my mind you will preserver through this and continue to be the pillar of strength you are. Love Michele
I'm sitting here with tears a flowing asking why her, God? Don't understand at all. You and Mark have always told me that God does not give us more than we can handle.....He has given you both some of the broadest and strongest shoulders of anyone I know!! Prayers are flowing your direction. There is no doubt in my mind you will conquer and come out on top. We love you and will forever be here for you in whatever capacity you need.
You're certainly in my prayers and thoughts, Julie and Mark. This is Day One. Tomorrow is Day Two. One day at a time. That's all any of us have, as Mark so often has reminded us. I know there are ways I can help you, with nutritional support for your body as you make this journey. Remember, if you could see the end from the beginning, since your life is in Jesus, you would not choose a path other than the one you're on right now. Just keep following your Leader. He is trustworthy and safe. Love you both.
Julie,
Summer posted this on her facebook as I am sure you saw, stating that you are the strongest woman she knows. I am truly in awe every day watching God in action! Live your faith out loud and one of my favorite sayings is, "Don't tell God how big your storm is, tell the storm how BIG your GOD is!" We are now your prayer warriors! I pray for the doctor's wisdom in this and I pray that you and your family will lean on the Lord for your strength through this tough time.
Love,
Summer's facebook friend and now one more person praying for you,
Bobbi Misener
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