Let the food journaling begin!

I believe that WW (wild woman) had asked me to start to write down all that I consume yesterday but I forgot until 1:00 this morning...when the grazing began :)  This should  be interesting for both of us!
I had my CT scan, as you know last Friday and I think that it went quite well.
However, when they told me that they had to call for a chemo nurse to access my port, the scene from Jurassic Park flashed across my mind...the one where water in a glass starts to ripple because the dinosaur is coming...yes that one... I heard my self say "As long as it isn't nurse such and such" and laughed a little too loudly trying unsuccessfully to hide my Barney look!   I sat on the edge of my seat until I saw 'YAYYY!  Nurse Deanna!!!'  
The young lady and man that did the scan were so sweet and kind.  When I asked them what I would feel when the 'stuff' started to go into my veins she said that I may not feel anything but would probably feel like I was wetting my pants...Oh thank heavens that I went to the bathroom before I got into this! HOWEVER I REALLY DID FEEL like I was wetting my pants, absolutely leaving no doubt that the 'what ever' was going into me was working!  I heard myself say...uh, I really feel like I am peeing myself!  I kid you not, I felt it running down my behind ( I was on my back). The whole time am thinking, ' am I gonna be the first person that wets all over myself" Oh no please God, I did not bring any clean clothes.  My buttocks even felt warm....let me just faint or something.  What am I gonna say to the young man that helps me get up! OMG!  Help me Lord, help me Jesus, hep me Lawd! 
THEN, I was asked to flip over onto my stomach! What a picture going on in my over active mind! 
It was over very quickly and I came out dry as I could be.  Not a single urine spot anywhere but did we ever get a good laugh out of that one!  Nurse Deanna could hardly contain herself because of some other silly comments that I had made to her and she felt vindicated when heard that I was certain I'd had an accident.
Mark had been in the waiting room visiting with some of the people that were waiting their turn and I tell you what people!  I am a very blessed woman.  My journey is minimal compared to some of the ladies waiting out there.  
I had a very fatigue filled Sat. and I slept all day long.  Then I slept all night as well, so my poor body is indeed trying to recoop.  The Lord allowed me to rest and rest and rest.  
I declare His works with rejoicing.

Nurse Laurie called again, June 27 appt with Dr.W and June 29 is my bi-lateral mastectomy.
Dr. M talked with Mark and I quite a little about re-constructive surgery... we have opted not to do it. We went through the pros and cons and the only pros were 'looks' and it sounds like a lot of pain from the ladies at the 'round' table (breast cancer support group) that have had it done.  UH ...No!  huh uh! No thank you...

My guts feel bloated from the vanilla shake that I drank last night and I have to bloat some more with the second jug that I have to guzzle at 10:00.  I hope this CT scan does not squeeze me cuz it ain't a gonna be pretty!
I think that this next month will give me and my friend, Naturopathic nurse & coach, Wild Woman and I a chance  to bond in a different capacity. (Her real name is Janice by the way).  She will walk with me through the benefits of what foods I should be eating to make this journey a healthier one for my body. She will also help me out with some things after my surgery because she worked as an OR nurse when I met her a few years ago.  Another angel that the Lord brought into my life because He knew I would need her in the future...a dear friend.
Yesterday Mark and I bought a birthday gift for Summer and Pier 1 forgot to take the price tags off, so here I go to peel off 18 stickers! Her birthday is not until Monday but Dana is coming by today to leave gift for Marks birthday which is today and pick up her gift, as well as friends from the airport that are flying in from AZ.  So here I go to peel away stickers.
Have a great week end everyone and I love you all!

Well, It was another very long day at the Cancer Institute and it was proving to be very interesting.  While Mark and I sat in the waiting room, I got a strange little feeling that I sometimes get and I said to Mark " I think that I feel a sense of dread is here" or something profound like that.  I really wanted to get the Barney Fife look and yell ""Andy! let's get out of here!" Weighed in and had lost 1/2 pound, then it was the blood drawing room.  Once again the nurse wanted to access my port for the blood draw and once again she had same issues as last time except this time she could not  get the needle to flush.  She said we have bad port karma. (Well, I just came against that comment in the  name of Jesus)  After the second stab (I shall call it stabbing from now on in stead of poking because she decided a 1 " needle would be better -really!, seriously!, again!) she finally decided to call one of the chemo nurses next door to come assist.  1,2,3 and it was in.  Nurse one still had to take my  blood from my arm because apparently I don't like to give blood from my port.  Probably because it all drains to my lower extremities when they start talking about a 1' needle.  They are wonderful ladies and I really do feel badly that I seem to cause them challenges in this area.

The weird thing though,  while the first nurse was trying to get needle in port to draw the second time, I had to look away and try to go to a different place because the tears started to betray my fragile state of mind.  I managed to keep them in my eye sockets for awhile with my head tipped back but out they came dripping down my newly made up face...damn! Mark handed me a tissue and poor nurse S felt bad.  It had nothing to do with the pain and I can't even tell you why all of this emotion came over me. Big baby!

Next stop is back to the waiting room until the blood work gets to Dr. M.
Dr. M explained that my screwed up thinking is from the chemo and asked Mark to watch me to see if I am depressed.  Mark said that I am very busy and don't just sit around, I am all over the place, moving slowly sometimes but still doing volunteer work and blah blah blah. Dr. wants me to stay active but to take it easy...the two do not make sense to me but ok.

Also, here it comes....this was my last chemo for about a month so that my body can get rested up for the bi-lateral mastectomy.  I will then have chemo once a week for 12 weeks followed by radiation.
Friday I have an appt for a cat scan.  Looks like I have these 2 huge jugs of vanilla flavored goo to drink.

When we left Sletten Institute, both Mark and I were exhausted. They had added another bag of something to my whatever you call that holds up the chemo while it drips into me and I slept quite abit while I was there.  I barely remember Colleen and Kaitlyn being there. We got home about 5 and I slept until 7:30!  I think Mark finally woke me up. This morning I am a little slow and I feel sort of drugged (which I really don't like, but it may just be Gods way of telling me to take it slow today...slow does not mean sitting around for me however :)

We are absolutely loving the comments posted from all of you. Sort of like getting mail with out going to the mail box .Face book messages are great as well as e-mails.  Snail mail is nice too.

Dr. Winslows nurse, Laurie, will call me today and schedule appt to discuss when I get mastectomy.
Today I go in again for my shot that I get after every chemo treatment and then I will go across the way to the breast cancer support group for newly diagnosed ladies.  I will gather strength there for this journey.

Keep you posted on what goes on...Love you all and Gods blessings to you

Chemo #4 and a couple oldies but goodies



Chemo#4 Here comes Lala!





"so tired"




Reading time at Lalas... Fall 2011 (I think)




Bella




Lupe




Papa and Logan...summer2011




Lala....summer2011



# 4

The past few days have been pretty uneventful except for a weird headache yesterday and the day before.  I don't know if the little aches and pains I have are from the treatment or if I would have them anyway for some other reason. So I just go with it (after I toss back 4 ibuprofen).  My new normal is not so normal for me but I think that I am sort of getting the hang of the do's and don'ts of this journey.

There have been so many dreary days that I definitely know that I am a sunshine person.  I am not complaining one bit however, because there is so much devastation all over and we are just a little wet here on 32nd ave. S.

On a lighter note, May is my sobriety month and my home group celebrates sobriety birthdays on the last Sat. of each month.  I will not be able  to celebrate with them this coming Sat. but had asked a friend to please get my medallion for me and to tell everyone that I love them all and that I am still sober :)  Yesterday,  as Carol and I were sweating bullets sorting clothes for the Set Free Thrift Shoppe, ANOTHER friend walked in from the rain with a rose bowl and my 27 yr. medallion tucked in it!  If that is not cool enough for you,  I found out that he ( that's right he) is a breast cancer survivor himself!  I did not know that about him.  So he shared his story about how he gets his 'man'ograms. Very interesting....and very funny to hear him talk about his man boobs and all that he has gone through.
I owe so much to this program...I found my way back to my Jesus because of AA , did you know that?  THAT is another story for another time.

Today is chemo # 4 and the dr. had said that if the tumor is small enough  I would have surgery (bi-lateral mastectomy) after this treatment.  I am not sure if I will continue getting the rest of the chemo treatments after that.  He had wanted me to get 4 months of chemo in the beginning but I kid you not, this last couple of months has been a whirlwind!  Today I will go in for lab work followed by dr. appt. and then the treatment. 

Mark will be with me as always so I will be at peace with my best friend by my side.  By the way, his dr. adjusted one of his meds the day before yesterday and so far so good. 

Pray for continued peace and for strength to do what ever it is that presents itself  for me today.
I am facing my battle with all of heaven backing me up :)
John 14:12-14

Hey Flashlights!

hey everybody it's Summer, I think I have fixed the comment chaos and you all should be able to post without having to sign in a certain profile (google,yahoo etc.) there is still going to be a word verification but that safe guards from spam getting through to Mothers blog. Hope this helps!!! P.s where it says pick a profile choose anonymous then it will ask you to type in what you see and wa la!!! A comment to Lala!

A favor please

One more thing that I would like to ask of you...Please, please, please, post a comment to me.  I cannot tell you how I cherish the contact via your posts on here.  This morning, the comment that Summer made to me about the song How Great is Our God,  carried me all through the morning.  I had that going through my mind for HOURS when little imps of 'stuff' kept trying to creep in.  If you don't know how to post your comments, please ask someone to help you.   I learned how when I didn't think that I could, so if I can learn so can you.  I do not answer the phone always because of various reasons so if you try to call instead of posting .....blah blah blah.  
Just a hello and am thinking about you is great as well...no one is grading what you say...and I read them to Mark so when you don't post, I don't have anything to read out loud. ;)
I understand as well if you have no comment ...Hey, even that is a postable comment (is that a word - postable) ? 
I just wanted to throw that out there so that you know what I am thinking and I have been thinking that I don't hear my flashlights...
LEARN HOW TO POST A COMMENT ON HERE!

Mark

Good morning! 3:00 a.m. is morning right?
OK, flashlights, I have a favor to ask of you all.  I know that this is my journey with this illness but it is becoming more evident to me that when something attacks a wife it absolutely attacks her husband.  Mark has been having several brain seizures a day for the last 3 or 4 days.  In Gods mercy and grace, it seems that when he is NOT doing well, I feel really good and it is not a big deal at all because we have learned how to live with his condition. I would like you all to add Mark to your prayer list for complete healing as well and for peace and assurance of my complete healing.  I know that you will do this and I am very thankful that I can ask you to pray for my wonderful husband.  I know that he would slay dragons for me and I would do the same for him. 
We laugh at ourselves because we are quite the couple now...we used to think we were pretty cool when we were young and skinnier and 'gorgeous' AND could do a mean jitterbug!  Now, I am quite the sight for sore eyes with my 3-10 hairs on my head and I am a little chunkier monkey I might add. Mark has short term memory loss after these episodes, so I am sort of responsible (sic) for remembering what we are doing and where we are going so sometimes we sort of go in circles...HA!  HEY! I think we can still jitterbug in circles though :)
I woke up with the thought " get the flashlights to add Mark on their prayer list and to pray for him as they pray for you." Mark is everywhere that I am , even when I am stepping into the unknown places of this journey, he is always at  my side, so he needs the Lords light to shine the way as well.  Your prayers give us strength.
I think that this is another God night class and He reminded me that I am not alone.
Off I go to eat  something...and clean out another closet or two...or three.
Ps 1:1-4   my prayer for Mark

sleepy, not sleepy, sleepy...not

This morning I drove to Stanford (about an hr. away) to have breakfast with Summer, Autumn and Dominic.  It was a beautiful drive and I thoroughly enjoyed our visit.  Miss Autumn was quite the chatty Cathy and Dominic was smiley and wonderful as well.  Summer and I managed to carry on quite a nice conversation in between 'oinks' and 'snorts' as we gobbled down our breakfast! HA!  We exchanged treasures for one another and as usual had a few good belly laughs.  What a wonderful feeling it is to drive away knowing that all is well in her world too.  I don't think that there is a better feeling than knowing that your children are happy and that God is indeed in control (and always has been ) of their lives.  
I heard the other day on one of the Christian stations that we can try and control our children's walk but when they get older, everything that happens in their lives is indeed their journey back to the Father. Awesome!
Update on me now...it's all about me you know ;)
The skin on my hands has turned a different color of brown!  Yep, I kid you not!  It is now more of a  dull cocoa bean color and the nails are definitely turning black.  My other little grand daughter, Julianna, thought that my hands were dirty the other day.  :(  The cuticles are so dry that they crack and I am trying hard not to peel the dead skin that is curling away from the tips of my fingers.   Sounds wicked, huh!  I also am noticing that one of my little fingers is starting to turn inward toward my ring finger.  Man!  I sound like a real beauty don't I?  I rather think that I had a little bit of arthritis in that little finger anyway and maybe it is complaining about the chemo just a little. 
No sores in my mouth like they had cautioned me about so am good to go as far as eating :) 
Kaitlyn got me a book called Ya-Yas in Bloom.  I started reading it this evening and I think I will go read some more. Thank you sweet Kaitlyn for thinking of your NaNa.
Good night and sweet dreams.

Isabella and Guadalupe

Since this new journey has started, I have neglected to mention my most  faithful of faithful companions...Isabella (Bella) and Guadalupe (Lupe). Lupe is our rat terrier/toy fox terrier that looks like a Jack Russel and Bella is our black Pomeranian . Lupe is our mellow one except that she shakes all of the time even when it isn't cold out side and she is sleeping alot now a days. I think we figured out that she is 98 in people years. Bella is our wild gypsy child. She is a young almost 47 in our years.
Lupe was a puppy when we went through all of the this with Mark. She rarely left his side and quickly became sensitive to all that goes on in this house. Now she is losing her hearing and her sight. She still loves to show how much swifter she is at a leg race than Belly (her nickname because she LOVES to eat)!
ANYWAY, Mark took a little break from working on our kitchen and cleaned out under the deck.  He had to move the dogs' house and and their pillows of course...so now their address has been changed to downstairs as well as ours. BUT WAIT TIL YOU SEE WHAT THEIR NEW DIGS WILL LOOK LIKE!  Theirs will have have to wait until the Queen of Very Little (ME) house is done, so in the mean time...I decided that I would go to Petco and buy Bella 'the runner' a harness and leash and tie her up by their area so that she does not run in the yard all night and bark.  When I put them to bed, Bella was smiling at me (yes she smiles) and Lupe was sleeping soundly. I said good night and went inside.  Mark looked out awhile later and there on the grass was the brightest red harness and leash lying Bella-less!!! I sort of wondered how long that would last because she started bucking like a horse when we put it on her. That should have been my first clue :)
But not one peep out of her all night! Smart dog that one :)
The neighbor had put up a new gate and Bella immediately found a soft spot that she could dig through and she did! Which is why I decided to buy this harness and leash until I am sure she can't get out of the yard again.
A great way to forget about our worries and woes is to help others in their need or get a Lupe and /or a Bella. Life goes on with or without us. Yes?
I think of the unconditional love that they have given me as the love that my Father in heaven has given me and how grateful I am.  I feel so good and have not had much fatigue at all with this last treatment. I have to say however, that I have been more like Lupe than Bella as far as resting so maybe this old dawg can still learn some new tricks and do what she is told. :)

Chemo round 3

# 3 chemo - over

Lab work was interesting and I was hoping it was not going to be a sign of things to come as my feeling of trepidation was trying to  creep in....the nurse that usually draws my blood from my arm decided to access it through my port so that it would be ready for the chemo nurse.  Well, sounded good and they had told me earlier that this would be easier for me so that I would not need to get poked again but...no...too easy.
Poor nurse could not get the needle in my port...poke...no not it...poke...no....poke...where are you...poke...this should be so easy...finally got it...EXCEPT...no blood would come up...WHAT! She very calmy explained why that happens sometimes. She was able to flush it which is good but she was very helpful explaining why sometimes they can't draw blood from the port. Something about some fish hook thingys that get stuck at the end of the line...So back to the arm poke. 
I would not be seeing Dr. M because he had planned on being on vacation and had hired a 'lokum' (traveling doctor' and even if his vacation fell through , he still had to have Dr. B.  However, (knew this was coming too didn't you) Dr. B. was so far behind with patients that he didn't know, plus the fax machines were down so he could not get lab results until that got resolved) I ended up being asked if I minded going to Deb, Oncologist P.A that I had seen a few weeks ago...she is wonderful. She has a very girly office but this time she had to use the boy office BUT on the wall was the "serenity prayer" ! Very fitting as yesterday was my 27 year of sobriety.  Mark and I knew we were in the right room.
All signs look good for me. I am holding my own in the weight dept and they were very impressed on how good I look (Artistry makeup) and that I still have hair and eyebrows and eyelashes.
It really does help to be a little portly before you go into something like this ;)
Summer joined us in the chemo room. She came in with goodies and water and we got to have our regular corner in the cushy chair with a great view of the solarium. She took lots of pictures and I hope they all turn out so I can share them with all of you.
We went to 2J's after they unplugged me and we ran into Greg and Cindy B. So nice to see old friends.
A little shaky this morning so am needing to take it a little slower but life is good here today.
Thank you for all of your prayers and by the way, all of you are my flash lights even if you have not declared yourselves as such, you are all the lights that I need in the dark places of this journey...with Jesus as the main headlight you understand :) John 8:12

What is it about us that when we know that we NEED to get rest because we have an important anything coming up - we can't sleep!  
I know that tomorrow is my chemo # 3 and yesterday I was on a mission to eat right and get plenty of rest so that I would have a head start on chemo day!  The last time I looked at the clock it was 3 a.m. and I had not had a wink of sleep!  I had cleaned out a closet and moved some things around in the guest bedroom plus I ate a little something to maybe make me feel sleepy...nothing doing! Oh wretched soul...
I remembered the God's night class theory so I prayed for anyone and everyone and sleep still ran the other way.  I even watched a little television...blah blah blah. 
I must have dozed off because I woke up at 6:30 when Mark's twitching arm kept tap tap tapping me in the side!  What!... Huh!...  Oh sorry...I thought I had been snoring but no, Mark was doing his early morning twitching ;)  I think that must be when HIS meds are wearing out and he is  maybe going through a little withdrawals...my answer for everything out of the ordinary from him. HA!  I believe that I think that way because of my early morning shakes in my booze hound days!  Thank the Lord I am not nursing a hangover as well as regrouping from chemotherapy...
Moving right along...so I went to Set Free early because it is Tuesday and where else would I be :) and my morning started out with a nice visit from Pam.   We decided that we should not worry about tomorrow because all we have is today...as a confirmation, I got a text from Kay that Lisa had sent her Matthew  6...Awesome!  Love texting! 
Today I have been working on tearing down the stronghold of worry and fear.  I guess worry is a form of fear isn't it. 
I didn't recognize in the wee hours of the morning that I was worrying about my # 3 treatment.  I only recognized that I could not get to sleep.  It was quiet all around (except for Mark of course) but the silence had lots of whispers. Creepy...
I came home and took a little snooze and felt so much better.  
OK flashlights...get your batteries charged up for tomorrow. 
I go in at 9:30 for lab work and I see my oncologist at 10:00 (or is it 10:30 ) and chemo after that. 
I already know the drill but tomorrow, as it was today, the battle field will be in my mind.
P.S  I threw out eating healthy this morning when I text(ed) Beth and asked her to stop and pick up hash browns smothered with sausage gravy!  YUM!  Carol joined us as we bellied up to the table with our plastic forks and ate in style from our 'to go' containers.  Yes, that's right, I ate with a joyful heart :)
THE JOY OF THE LORD IS MY STRENGTH but He doesn't mind if I indulge in carbs once in awhile.

Must be time to get up, it's 2:30 a.m.!

Good morning! Why is no one up?  Wait...why am I up?  
Yesterday was a good and busy day. Not busy for the old Julie but busy for me now - a - days.  Both of our sons - in - law 's birthdays...Happy birthday to Dana and Ryan.  We stopped in for a 'bit' at Ryan's birthday dinner and we ended up staying for a couple of hours.  It was a lot of fun and so much laughter!  Ryan's mom and grandmother were there  from California. 
I was having a case of the 'hot feet' all day.  The soles of my feet felt hot, hot, hot!  They were bright red and it felt like I was walking on prickly coals all day.  Owch comes to mind!  My finger tips, I mean the very tips just before the nail end, felt almost like I had a chemical burn.  Sort of like when I used to do lots of perms and bleach hair in one day when I worked in a salon...and did not wear gloves. 
It is very interesting all the changes that my body is going through.  I feel like every day there is something new.  Not horribly bad but new.  Maybe am just becoming aware of the fact that this is some heavy duty stuff that is happening.   It still seems very surreal to me.  
The week right after chemo, I can't eat much so by the end of the week my pants are baggy and then after that, EVERYTHING tastes like it was made especially for me by the GODS ;)  Tight pants not such a good feeling...but then it's time for chemo again and the cycle starts all over.  I guess it is not so bad to start out a little 'portly' in case I start to waste away...HA!
Happy Mothers Day all you women flashlights ( I have some men flashlights too). 
Happy Mothers Day Summer and Whitney...I am so proud of the women you have both become and what amazing mothers you are to my grandchildren. 

Note from Friar Tuck!

Whatcha think of the new pix?  Whitney, Ryan and I got a good laugh one day (yes at my expense) about the new 'do' that I am sporting.   When I heard Ryan say that I looked like Friar Tuck, I roared with laughter....punk...I thought I looked quite cute not like a friar :)
Today has been a wonderful day.  Tom and Carol came by early this morning and we all had a good time cleaning the yard a little.  After Tom chopped up the branch that had come crashing down during the last snow fall we sat down and had a 'drink'  to our successful morning labor.  Good fellowship so early in the morning promised to escort in an equally wonderful rest of the day.  
I had a great lunch with Mark and then our little nap ( a ritual now) and then it was outside to the yard with Julianna and Logan.  Whitney joined us of course :)  
OK, back to the Friar Tuck... I have chosen not to shave my head because I sort of like the feeling that I can still blow dry my hair after I shower.  I very carefully blow my hair because any sort of tugging or strong wind :) will send little bits of hair flying right off of my scalp.  I take little bits of hair and sort of spread them around like I am re-seeding my scalp....then, I put my cap on and look in the mirror and think ' in your face cancer'.  Crazy I know, but in my world , I will shave my head when I am good and ready and maybe never!!!
Wonder if I will lose my eyebrows since my scalp is sort of hanging on to little shreds of the past? My bangs look really black but it is the remnants of the last dye job that I had.  Weird. 
Lord help me to remember wonderful days like today when I am not feeling quite so healthy.  

Pictures from morning video call to Lewistown

Mom said while we waited for the video to start "It's okay to cry when you see me"

Dana and I agreed "you DO look like a monk!"

"and look over here!"

Autumn didn't hesitate, she knew the second she saw Mother, "LALA!"

Trust ?

Oh my! I must have had way too much fun at my birthday bbq because  it has been a tough couple of days for this old bird.  I thought maybe I had hit a wall that day but it has proven to be oh so much more than that. 
I have been extremely tired - and to top it off, I have had stomach cramps ( blaming the jalapeno slices for that) and generally have felt pretty crappy all over.  
This morning as I watched sweet Mark finish our closet, I realized that I STILL have serious trust issues in just about every area of my life.  How does one get this old ( 61 and counting thank you very much) and have very little faith in the fact that I am NOT in control of ANYTHING?!  I tried to thank Mark for being such an awesome and faithful husband but I could hardly speak because I got so emotional.  Damn Chemo side effect....no, I don't think so.  I believe I am being 'pruned and tuned' and that the Lord has a mighty plan for this old and  pride filled war horse.   I guess I have always been a late bloomer ;)
I have not only been physically sick but got blind sided by a subtle soul sick feeling that is familiar but very sneaky.  It is a close cousin to self-pity (dang it anyway) and it had it's grip on me.  I heard myself say to Mark that it is very hard to just sit and do nothing because I do not anyone to grow tired of me and my neediness...Did you hear that...there it is! Waa waa poopypants!  Oh my...
Yes, I have not been at the top of my game - and I won't be for a long while - and yes I will be out of commission for awhile but I will live AND I will rejoice when all of this is over. 
Kay called and I actually got to the phone in time...she prayed with me and it was a sweet prayer of encouragement and just what my soul needed this afternoon.  My spirit heard ,  " don't give up! fight...fight and pray and accept that ALL things are possible!  Not some things, ALL things!" 
Right now I will accept that I need to rest and recover and stay in tune with my Lord and Saviour.   
I believe that all of my flashlights are out there praying for me and that without your prayers,  I would have gone deeper into the 'pit'. Thank you.  Someone was indeed on their knees for me today and heaven heard....and answered.

Happy birthday to me :)

Finally hit a wall about 6:30 or 7:00.  I really do realize  now that I  absolutely can not go the way that I used to before the chemotherapy started.  I feel great one minute and then a few minutes later I am looking for the nearest place to plant my butt.  Today was such a great day.  Lots of messages from friends and relatives and there were a few people here for a little bbq. The weather even cooperated with us as it only drizzled on us a little tiny bit. LOTS  of food and laughter.  I got a few phone calls that seriously brought me to tears this morning and it felt oddly refreshing to shed those tears.  I do not have a clue why those particular people brought that out in me but they were used by God in my opinion and they don't even have a clue that I was crying when they hung up. It is dark out now and I am more than ready to go to sleep. 
My family is all safely tucked away in their respective homes and I will fall asleep knowing that all is well in my soul. 
Today everyone that was here got to see my new Ostrich feather hair do.  Quite a show stopper!  Maybe will post some pictures when I figure this out a little more since my photographer was not here today.
Good night and thank you all for the birthday wishes. They were truly a blessing to me today.