Eyebrow templates

Rach just left and I felt like our mom as I waved good bye to her from the window.  We just discussed shaving my head and whether or not  I will lose my eyebrows. She said that there are eyebrow templates!!! HAHAHA...OMGosh hahahaha! I shall get some and they will let people know what kind of day I am having.  Big half moon ones = don't know, straight across ones = not so good, no eyebrows = slowly back away and avoid eye contact with me :)
Today is quiet and I have a ton of stuff to do to prepare for this unexpected turn of events. My nephew's girlfriend, Angie sent me a couple of books (thank you) and I might just sit and read for a bit. LOVE, LOVE to read.
I need quiet for a little bit. . . but maybe later.
I am starting to notice something that I didn't know would happen quite so fast. SOME People that know I am in this battle are suddenly 'different'. I can't explain it but somehow I feel like I have a booger in my nose and no one wants to say anything...that kind of uncomfortable feeling...interesting.
I am going to baby sit Julianna and Logan while Whitney recovers from her surgery. I look forward to that.
What an interesting time in my life! All kinds of surprizes.
But you knew that didn't you Lord :)

Busy, busy day! By the time I got into the shower I had an hour to get ready for my first appt. at the Cancer Institute. I thought I was doing great until I got into the shower and all of a sudden I felt weird. Not scared but sort of light feeling. I started praying which is normal when I shower and then I realized that I had tears rolling down my face...OH NO!  Not now Lord, I really need to keep it together! This is the beginning of the race! Nice long shower and nice long visit with my Lord and Savior. He doesn't mind that I have the ugly cry going on :) while I shampoo my hair that won't be there much longer.
My appointment at radiation oncology was good.  Dr. Stephenson was wonderful.  AND GUESS WHAT? The girl in registration was listening to Network of Praise! When I finished filling out all of the forms she said ' I will say a prayer for you while you are in with Dr. Stephenson' . How Great is our God! I poked my head on way out to tell her that he had said that he felt there were no lymph glands affected and she whispered "we serve an awesome God" and we gave each other a thumbs up. Nice....
Rach, Whit and I went into the breast cancer resource room/library and Katie gave me the tour of hats, scarves and wigs and lots of other stuff for near future.  No wigs for this old girl. I am now in search of hats for people like me with a big dome. Big earrings are on order as well.
Carol gave me my first scarf...sexy...kind of a gypsy flair.
I'm thinking I might like one of those head bands with a monster flower that babies wear. HA! People will think that I have gone koo koo with out the drinking the koo koo juice.
Thank you Father God for humor. I still really don't want to be sick and tired from the chemo so remember that ok?  Bless my friends and family tonight.

Nice, I slept straight through til 4:30!    Faithful Whitney will sit in waiting room while I get my cat scan done.  She is going through her own "what if, hope not" stuff  . But you know that Father. Weird how she and I are going through the same emotions at the same time. Ever the faithful little prayer warrior my Whit. I have some very strong and wonderful women of faith in my life and I am blessed to include my daughters on that list. Even my sister had radio on a christian station it sounded like. I didn't  say a word kinda like when you are sneaking up on baby bunny in the spring so they won't run away. Because I didn't want her to change it. Hmmm, hard ass baby sister is a poser!
Dr. W showed me a picture of what position I am going to be in for the cat scan and it did not look too bad or uncomfortable. Good thing my left tata is pretty much healed though. Hey! If there are stitches on your breast when they do a mastectomy, do they remove the stitches first or just take them at the same time...

I know now what the difference is in blogging and writing in a notebook. ..When we die people will find stacks of notebooks with senseless scribbling and little morsels of real true feelings.
I LOVE the comments people leave because I feel, REALLY feel that I am not alone. One of my cousins in California that I just connected with sent me a message telling me that another relative has his whole congregation praying for me. Awww, teared up immediately. I read all the comments to Mark and of course we cry because we are so blessed.
Love the scriptures and I said them over myself this morning (thanks Marty).
Isaiah 46:4 is the first one that came from Theresa via text when this all came about.
Ok., enough babble.

Sister talk

Almost time for bed because I am really tired!  I can't write in my journal right now because Rach is upstairs and I don't want to appear rude. Wonder when that changed that I cared whether or not I was rude to my sister?  She grabbed me by the throat one time when we were young and threw me down on the couch...just thought I would throw that in. We have laughed like 2 kids today and then add Summer and Dana into the mix and it is total insanity. Before the day ended, Carol and Colleen and her children (my other grandchildren ) had joined the party. What fun! Anyway, tomorrow I go in for a cat scan and where ever that leads. . . Thank you for a great day Father, bless all of my friends and family. PS  Help me to resist the temptation to 'milk' this whole thing ;) My flesh is weak! tee hee

MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT JIBBERISH

I thought I was so tired? Why am I awake at 2 in the morning?  Is blogging really like writing in a journal ? Or is this more like a diary? Why do they call it blogging? I mentioned to Whit yesterday that I think I will stop coloring my hair because maybe the chemicals in  the dye are not good for a cancer patient...funny how I have become a CANCER patient since a little after 2 yesterday.  I don't feel any different physically except for the sore left breast from biopsy, yet now every little ache or twitch makes me wonder if it has spread. I hate how everything seems spookier when I am awake in the middle of the night.   Today Summer, Dana, Autumn and Dominic come visit. Rach is going to be here as well.  Better try to get some sleep so I'm not cranky. Gonna play with this blog thing. I see lots of little buttons that promise to be a little fun. Wonder if my grand babies will recognize me with white hair or NO hair. They all seem to know me with glasses so no more contact lenses for me.   I so love being a grandma.  My prayer was to live long enough to see them grown into young men and women. 
Mark is snoring so loud that I can not understand why he doesn't wake himself up !
Mark on one side of me and the ticking of the clock in between snorts :)
Nice...music to my ears.
Think I will get up and get something to eat ( I hear chemo patients lose their appetite and so I should plump up a bit). 
,

Game on...

Wow what an afternoon! Yes I have cancer and yes I will be going through chemotherapy and then I will lose both of my mammary glands and after THAT I will have radiation and maybe more chemotherapy. My doctor was very chatty and he reminds me of someone I should know. Mark and Whitney were there in the room with me as Dr. Winslow gave me the rundown of what he had already suspected. Advanced lobular breast cancer, stage 3 and may be in the chest wall. "Oh and by the way- it is also in your skin" so aggressive treatment is the way to go. I think it was at this point that I asked (sheepishly) if I could smoke a little of the wacky tobacky (for medicinal purposes of course). His look was OMG! I think his face as well as his bald head turned red cuz he was speechless...HA! Then we realized that he thought I said that I smoked it NOW! We roared with gales of laughter and I realized that it felt good. Bible is right,laughter is good medicine. I don't know if that is really in the bible but it does say it is good for the soul.. . (I think). What a relief to have a face for my sparring partner for the next year or so. I  cannot tell you how good I feel that I have a name for what has kept me awake for the last few days. I really am sort of a chicken I discovered. I even think that I made sure to mention that I do not want to experience any pain. Dr.W said I will not have pain just feel tired and maybe a little nauseous. Dang it anyway! I forgot to say "and no nausea AND I want a little hit of speed to keep the lethargy away".
He just happened to throw in that I would be losing my head of thick hair. Thank goodness I had my eyeliner tattooed on a couple of years ago so I won't look like I have chicken eyes with no eyelashes. OMGosh what about my eyebrows!?  Silly old woman...
Many prayer warriors were interceding for me and I can guarantee that my hair and eyebrows were never mentioned.  Thank you all because I really felt like I was not alone.
Cancer, we come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty. I am not afraid. Thank you God for all of my friends and family that are with me on this journey. Help me to honor you by NOT being a baby. Amen and Amen. I think tonight I will sleep like one though. I AM POOPED :)

This is the day...

I am so new at this that I have no idea what I am doing blogging so I am going to 'journal'.  In a few, very few hours I am finding out if I have indeed dodged yet another bullet or if I HAVE been hit, how serious is the wound.
I sort of get the feeling that I have been gut shot because I feel sick right now. I am tired and I feel like I have bled out. Except it's not blood that has oozed from my gut but tons of emotions. I am afraid one minute and giddy with hope another. I find anxiety waiting patiently around the corner and anger follows close behind. Dang it anyway! I really don't want to go through what I went through Friday (biopsy) and honestly I wish I could swim in denial for awhile. HEY! that was good...swim in 'de nile'  ;)  get it? I am sad that I am causing worry for Mark, who became my hero as I watched him go through the horror of chemotherapy with such dignity.  Somehow it has become all about me again . . .
I was telling Vic that I feel like I am standing in front of the firing squad and hoping they miss. Like Keanu Reeves did in the Matrix...Except I can't do the back bend anymore.
Dr. said he was 99% certain I have a cancer tumor in one boob and that it is a stage 3. Let's see what the results are when they come in this afternoon. Whatever it is I truly believe that my Lord and Savior is with me and I want to honor Him in All.  Mark and I are standing here with tears running down our faces at the memories of how awesome our God was while we went through that time in our lives. I have to remember that the God that carried us through that tough time is the same today!
AMEN! Do I hear an AMEN?
Let's get this party started...here I go (shaking in my boots, whistling in the dark)
HA! OMG...scared...help...seriously....help....:) feel better...not really....seriously God?