Home again, home again Jiggity Jig!

I am home!!! There is no place like home...Can you believe it?  I am moving quite slowly but I am not as sore as I thought I would be.  I can, however tell when it is time for me to take my pain pills!  Owch!   I do have a question for anyone that might know the answer...will I have phantom pain where my boobs were?  Sort of like when someone loses a limb and they still feel an itch or pain in it.  
The worst  part  of this is the dang drain bags...ugh and owie.
I got home about 3 this afternoon.  I had just gotten a very 'chatty Cathy ' roommate so  when they asked if I was ready to come home, I said 'yes' a little too eagerly I'm afraid.  
Neither Mark or I got much sleep last night so am eager to get a few more winks in tonight. 
Thank you all for your prayers and more prayers.  
This will not be a long note as I am quite tired.  My phone battery died from all of the texting yesterday and I forgot to take my plug in for it.
More later...Love all of you. 

Hello Flashlights!!

morning of the surgery, spirits are high and her main concern was no make-up and no nail polish;)

Wife and Mother

true war buddies

new hat to keep her warm Nurse Ruth called it a jiffy pop hat.

I'm a little tea pot? I feel pretty? I'm not sure what was going through her mind

getting the pregame run down

"hey Mom are the drugs working?"

"why yes, they are"

waiting

hugs and kisses before they took her, this was the most emotional part of our morning...dang it.

Flashlight Kay

updating  Flashlights

watching her progress from the waiting room

sharing stories

acting cool calm and collected...like we should

...but not for very long. "where's my mother?!"

there she is. sleeping sound and going to kill me when she sees this;)

The surgery is done. We missed chatting with the doctor by just minutes so now have to wait until he makes rounds sometime this evening. Nurses have let us know that it went well and that she is doing really well. At first glance once she was out of recovery and settled in her room she looked lost. Like who were we and why are we all scrunched in the door waiting for permission to come in. She wasn't really that out of it she just looked it but really with an afro like hers and her piercing eyes she can really pull off any look she likes!
So, here is how incredible this day has gone. I arrived from Lewistown just after 6a.m and had a heads up from my sister Whitney where to go so I wouldn't have to text Dad or ask Mother specifics and give it away that I would be here. I walked in texting "This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine" a minute later she text back "let it shine let it shine let it shine". I came into the waiting room and there sat my mother with Dads arms around checking her phone. This is important for you all to know so that you realize even if she does not respond to every text or answer every call she does get your messages and your prayers. Every single one of you are so important to our Mother. If she could she would call every single one of you and thank you and let you know herself. Every single one of you following her journey are important to all of us. Your prayers and your thoughts have kept her spirits up and all along we have heard how important that is in this journey. 
So...we visit a bit and before we can get "comfortable" a super fast, super friendly, super tiny blonde escorts us to the back so that she can be prepped for the big seperation. Putting in the i.v (which most needle experiences thus far have been painful unless Deanna has done them) was smooth as could be.Ruth was exactly what we needed at the front lines of today. In fact Mom didn't feel a thing and you could almost hear a bit of the tension float out the room. The next hour passed pretty quick with a few chuckles and a few visitors. A couple of the Yaya's popped in, dabbed some oil on her and we prayed. I swore on my drive I wasn't going to be emotional I was going to be a rock for my Dad since he was going to be a big sobbing baby that I would have to tend to. I wasn't sobbing but I had a few hiccup catch my breaths that could have led to some tears.  Anyway. We added some more laughter and through out our day Dad and I have done pretty good! Dr. Winslow joined the party and prepared himself with Mothers chart and asked if we had questions, ironed out some details ,like oh yeah it is a double, and then Mother asked "Are you going to pray?" Without a stutter of hesitation he assured her that we were and in a little room we joined hands. His assistant Amy took my hand and I took Colleens' who took Dads' who took the Docs' who took Mothers who took Amys'. I don't know why but this little circle was very important to me. He prayed for peace for Mother and for her family he prayed to guide his hands and calm our hearts. He thanked God for helping Mother in her recovery after the fact. He was grateful, humble, and confident. Then just like that he said "okay let's go". I was flashing pictures and trying to move out of the way and finally had my turn to hug and kiss my mother. This was a very very hard part. To watch someone take our mother willing into a painful situation and for Dad to watch his best friend go alone. I think he would have taken her place in a heartbeat.
Many God things have happened while this wonderful woman went through this. Pastor Rob stopped by and again we all joined hands only this time in a large waiting room with a few more flashlights. I noticed he didn't ask for a great recovery he thanked God for the great recovery already. He was also grateful, humble and confident. My family knows how to surround themselves with very cool people!
Now Mother is sleeping as sound as she can as nurses come in to drain this, check that, turn this gadget, check vitals and now have a shift change. They are really great here though. They have all really listened to her about the pain and as I listen to them talk about her they are very impressed with how good she looks compared to when she first got out. One nurse said "it seems that she has a really great support system and that is so important. She has a really great attitude too and I have seen some people in here go through less than her and not be near as happy." Way to go Mama!!! Way to go!
Please keep up the prayers Flashlights. I know as soon as she is feeling up to it she will update you on here. For tonight and tomorrow I think her and Dad will just need some rest. The word thus far is she will be home tomorrow afternoon. Also please add the Graefs to your prayers as they will be helping Mother and Dad through the recovery. Thank you thank you to all of you for all the help!!! YAYA!!!

p.s . It is important for me to share photos of this journey so that you can all see your prayers working and that she is still in great spirits and still positive and still holding her face to the light...if she can do it...;)

This is the day...yikes!

Ready to go to the hospital in a little bit. Am waiting for Mark and I think I have the Barney Fife look on and off.  One minute am secure in what the Lord is doing and the next it is OMG!  Right now I feel calm and I am sort of going through the motions of getting myself ready to begin yet another experience.  I had several text messages from friends and family that live far away.  Thank you all in advance for your prayers today.   I believe that I will not be alone in surgery (and I don't mean the surgical staff :)  I cannot get away from Gods presence...nice...  I will let you know how this goes today and all about the miracles that I will   take place.  Here I go....

...and the count down begins

The first thing that I thought of this morning was my surgery on Wednesday.  I am trying hard to stay in today but I have to admit that I am feeling a little nervous.
Whitney, Julianna and I went to Lewistown for Autumns birthday party and that was a great time!  Rach, Vern and Terra were there and it was great to see them at the festivities. 
The week end went very quickly and it feels like the month has gone too fast.  I have felt wonderful physically for the last week or so.  Now it is time for my mastectomy and I am beginning to feel the dread of going through the recovery.  This is the part that I dislike about human emotions, up and down and all over the place.  I know that I am not alone and that I have all kinds of prayers going up to the Lord for me,  but I really FEEL alone.  I know that feelings are neither right nor wrong...they just are but dang! 
This morning I read about how Peter started to sink in the water when he took his eyes off of Jesus.  I really think that my eyes have been straining to stay on Him but too much going on in my head :(  
I must remember the miracles that have taken place on this journey.  How great is our God!? 
Right now at this moment, I feel calm and almost detached from what is going on. I want to go back to bed and sleep but am not sleepy.
I will sign off now because I feel like I am going to start babbling about not a whole lot...
A new day awaits me and lets see what it brings :)

 

Pictures

Progress on the new outdoor seating...going to be awesome!

Flowers in the yard

Lala's entourage

cross of clouds above Lala and Papas yard

Funky Lala

Had to ask her to tame the mane so I could actually not crack up while we visit

Lala siting in Lewistown...Gorgeous!

Let the good times roll...



coffee and pie with friends (Kathy O. Lala and Autumn)

Papa M taking in a quiet moment with Autumn brushing her locks.

"Oh no you didn't!" she didn't say that it just looks like she did. The "C" has given her the gift of really not caring if we all see her hair...or she is darn good at faking.

comparing hairlines

a massage for Lala with my helper

well goodmorning...would you like your hat?

Mothers biggest flashlight

sweet hugs

a kiss and a secret?

Flashlight Wendy and her contagious smile

I wish I had a picture from back in the day when they all met to compare.
(Mike and Kathy, Vickie, and C.O.S Wendy not pictured)

June 29 details

OK, so Dr. W ( this is the doc. that prayed with us before he put my port in)  said that he wants me at the hospital at 6 o'clock on the morning of June 29.  I will be his first patient for the day.  I hope that is a good thing ;)
He examined my tumor and he was very excited that it had shrunk so much and that it's definitely not attached to my rib cage or muscle.  Also, he said that my cat scan did not show any other tumors anywhere else....good news and a great big thank you Jesus on that one!  Come on all of you shout AMEN and thank you Jesus! 
He told us that he will do a radical mastectomy on my left breast and a just 'plain mastectomy' on the right one.  He used more professional words but I cannot recall what they were.  Basically he said, that he will take out all of the lymph nodes on the left side (under the arm) as well because he does not want to take any chances with where the cancer was going when he first saw me...I will need physical therapy for my left arm and that we want to treat this aggressively.
He felt that Dr. M was going to wait a month before starting the weekly chemo sessions after the surgery.  The surgery will take about 2 hours and  I will spend the night in the hospital and maybe 2 depending on how I feel. ( I will need you, flashlights, praying for God's healing touch ).  He gave us worse case scenario, which I think he has to do but I am not going to repeat it because it will not happen!  
Mark teared up when Dr. W told him what I would go through and Dr. W patted his knee and told him that it was going to be alright and that I would be ok.  I teared up at the sight of my husband so worried about me.  He told me that he wishes that he could go through this for me.  I have a very sweet and compassionate husband.  I told him that I wish he could go through this for me too...HA! 
Now, more blood work and paper work and blah, blah, blah has started...so here we go again! 
So there you have it...a little update on my up coming bi-lateral mastectomy. 
Blessings to all of you today and I will 'chat' with you at a later date.

 

Hola and hello!!!

I cannot believe that it has been so long since I have blogged!  I can't say that it is because I have been super busy but I guess I have been pretty busy.  I am really enjoying the 'no rain' for the second day in a row.  
Today was a great day!  I was driving into Set Free and I said out loud "Man, I feel really good today". Just then I realized that I really have not felt well for over a week.  I have no idea what it was but 'it' is on it's way out I hope.  This week is when I have my appointment with my dr. that will be doing the bi-lateral mastectomy and I get to hear the details of what to expect.  I have to be honest with all of you,  I have had many moments of fear and trepidation in the dark shadows of my mind.  I guess I really am not liking the thought of having my flesh cut on.  
My patio is coming along nicely except now we have a big hole just outside of the sliding doors because we have a sump pump going.  When I stepped in a wet spot in our brand new carpet,  we realized that we had not escaped the water seeping into our basement.  We also have another very deep hole around the front of the house with yet another sump pump going  there.  Never have we had to do this in the almost 15 years that we have lived here.  BUT, we are still very blessed that all we have is a little moisture not actual flooding!  
Mark has been having some issues but all- in-all, our life is blessed. 
Joe and Wendy will be here Thur. to help work in the yard and am excited to see them.  Old friends...who else would come help do yard work!  
Mark and I took a little road trip to Lewistown last week and it was great fun.  A few of our old friends came by for coffee and pie and we connected with Mike and Kathy after many years of not seeing one another.  Lots of laughter and old stories were repeated and repeated and repeated ;) 
Keep me in your prayers this thur. at 9:45.  

Yesterday was a gorgeous day!  I was so excited to get out there and dig in the dirt and play with my dogs (or at least watch them run and jump). The excitement that I showed must have taken a lot of my energy because I was pretty much worthless.  I got tired very quickly. I guess I thought that just because I am not having chemo pumped into my body, that I  am back to normal in a week or so...where have I been ?  I said to Mark yesterday that I have had more headaches and flippy stomach in the last 3 days than I have had the whole time I have been getting chemo.  I have no idea why I am waking up with these headaches.  Except wait....do not have one this morning...thank you Lord! 
The sun was way too hot for me even with my big old 'field worker' hat on and the shade made the back of my bald head hurt from the cold.  I was pretty much trying to find my ' pace' most of the morning.  By the time I got up from my nap, I discovered that I have to be a 'shade follower' for a while.  No more direct sun for this old gal.
Julianna asked if she could help me 'weed' my flower beds (so much grass) and of course I said yes...my baby's breath is a little bit thinner now because if there are no flowers, they must be weeds ;)  Her attention span is about as long as her LaLa's so she was off playing in the mud with her new gloves on...she called it finger painting...smearing mud on a piece of wood. By the time she went in the house she looked like she had really worked hard!!! HA! 
Ryan worked hard cleaning under the deck and it looks great under there! Thanks Ry.  I have a very difficult time having others do stuff for me... I weave a mean guilt quilt.  I started beating myself up because I got tired so easily.  I like to work along side people and it was too much for me....notice that?  I , I , I , I....slipped into the 'all about me' cry.  Waaa waaa!
I remember that just a few months ago when I got the 'diagnosis', I was so grateful to be alive and that I was at total peace with ALL because TODAY was all I was given and the future was only for the Lord to know...how quickly we humans (me) forget and slip back into self crap. Forgive me Father. 
My yard work got started, my gonna be patio (under deck) got cleaned up,  the sun is shining, AND some friends from Billings (George and Mel) sent a gorgeous bouquet of flowers just because!!!!
Ps. 118 :24  This is the day which the Lord hath made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.