Note from Friar Tuck!

Whatcha think of the new pix?  Whitney, Ryan and I got a good laugh one day (yes at my expense) about the new 'do' that I am sporting.   When I heard Ryan say that I looked like Friar Tuck, I roared with laughter....punk...I thought I looked quite cute not like a friar :)
Today has been a wonderful day.  Tom and Carol came by early this morning and we all had a good time cleaning the yard a little.  After Tom chopped up the branch that had come crashing down during the last snow fall we sat down and had a 'drink'  to our successful morning labor.  Good fellowship so early in the morning promised to escort in an equally wonderful rest of the day.  
I had a great lunch with Mark and then our little nap ( a ritual now) and then it was outside to the yard with Julianna and Logan.  Whitney joined us of course :)  
OK, back to the Friar Tuck... I have chosen not to shave my head because I sort of like the feeling that I can still blow dry my hair after I shower.  I very carefully blow my hair because any sort of tugging or strong wind :) will send little bits of hair flying right off of my scalp.  I take little bits of hair and sort of spread them around like I am re-seeding my scalp....then, I put my cap on and look in the mirror and think ' in your face cancer'.  Crazy I know, but in my world , I will shave my head when I am good and ready and maybe never!!!
Wonder if I will lose my eyebrows since my scalp is sort of hanging on to little shreds of the past? My bangs look really black but it is the remnants of the last dye job that I had.  Weird. 
Lord help me to remember wonderful days like today when I am not feeling quite so healthy.  

Pictures from morning video call to Lewistown

Mom said while we waited for the video to start "It's okay to cry when you see me"

Dana and I agreed "you DO look like a monk!"

"and look over here!"

Autumn didn't hesitate, she knew the second she saw Mother, "LALA!"

Trust ?

Oh my! I must have had way too much fun at my birthday bbq because  it has been a tough couple of days for this old bird.  I thought maybe I had hit a wall that day but it has proven to be oh so much more than that. 
I have been extremely tired - and to top it off, I have had stomach cramps ( blaming the jalapeno slices for that) and generally have felt pretty crappy all over.  
This morning as I watched sweet Mark finish our closet, I realized that I STILL have serious trust issues in just about every area of my life.  How does one get this old ( 61 and counting thank you very much) and have very little faith in the fact that I am NOT in control of ANYTHING?!  I tried to thank Mark for being such an awesome and faithful husband but I could hardly speak because I got so emotional.  Damn Chemo side effect....no, I don't think so.  I believe I am being 'pruned and tuned' and that the Lord has a mighty plan for this old and  pride filled war horse.   I guess I have always been a late bloomer ;)
I have not only been physically sick but got blind sided by a subtle soul sick feeling that is familiar but very sneaky.  It is a close cousin to self-pity (dang it anyway) and it had it's grip on me.  I heard myself say to Mark that it is very hard to just sit and do nothing because I do not anyone to grow tired of me and my neediness...Did you hear that...there it is! Waa waa poopypants!  Oh my...
Yes, I have not been at the top of my game - and I won't be for a long while - and yes I will be out of commission for awhile but I will live AND I will rejoice when all of this is over. 
Kay called and I actually got to the phone in time...she prayed with me and it was a sweet prayer of encouragement and just what my soul needed this afternoon.  My spirit heard ,  " don't give up! fight...fight and pray and accept that ALL things are possible!  Not some things, ALL things!" 
Right now I will accept that I need to rest and recover and stay in tune with my Lord and Saviour.   
I believe that all of my flashlights are out there praying for me and that without your prayers,  I would have gone deeper into the 'pit'. Thank you.  Someone was indeed on their knees for me today and heaven heard....and answered.

Happy birthday to me :)

Finally hit a wall about 6:30 or 7:00.  I really do realize  now that I  absolutely can not go the way that I used to before the chemotherapy started.  I feel great one minute and then a few minutes later I am looking for the nearest place to plant my butt.  Today was such a great day.  Lots of messages from friends and relatives and there were a few people here for a little bbq. The weather even cooperated with us as it only drizzled on us a little tiny bit. LOTS  of food and laughter.  I got a few phone calls that seriously brought me to tears this morning and it felt oddly refreshing to shed those tears.  I do not have a clue why those particular people brought that out in me but they were used by God in my opinion and they don't even have a clue that I was crying when they hung up. It is dark out now and I am more than ready to go to sleep. 
My family is all safely tucked away in their respective homes and I will fall asleep knowing that all is well in my soul. 
Today everyone that was here got to see my new Ostrich feather hair do.  Quite a show stopper!  Maybe will post some pictures when I figure this out a little more since my photographer was not here today.
Good night and thank you all for the birthday wishes. They were truly a blessing to me today.