One of the ladies that I run across in the dressing room said that she likes to go by weeks not by the number of treatments because they don't seem so overwhelming...I thought I'd do that today because I did not blog on # 4 or #5. The only thing that I can say is different is that I feel stuffy on the right side of my head. Sort of like I am swimming under water. That may be a start of a cold or maybe one of my drugs has that side effect.
Summer, Dominic and Autumn were here on Thur. and we had a great time. Whitney, Julianna & Logan joined us outside and it was wonderful to see all my grandchildren running in every direction in the yard. Sort of like little chicks :) My heart felt full of gratitude and wonder at the goodness of God. To watch my daughters with their children all having a good time (with a few tears mixed in there from Dominic). Life truly does go on. I hope that they will remember the memories that were made in this yard. Quite a comedy act when the kids all hit a wall and the fun is over!!! Kids need a nap and moms are ready for them to do just that!
Just as quickly as all of the activity started and all of the laughter and noise began, it was over...What a great feeling to have my family so close that we can all meet in a matter of an hour or so. I am truly blessed...I know I keep saying that but it really is true.
This Friday I had lunch with my dear friend Vickie from Lewistown. We had a great laugh fest over too much food and then we had a little crying jag over life and what survivors we both are. We patted each other on the back about how wonderful we are! HA! DANG! We are awesome!!!
Tomorrow is my appointment with the radiologist oncologist and am guessing that he will tell me what all the x-rays told him before they started radiation. I will keep you all posted.
Love you all and thank you for all of your prayers that have carried me through.
Aug.2012
Mark and I ready for Blades wedding
The first ring
Dec. 7 2011
the bell of Victory!
Reading the plaque
Patients ring this bell on their last treatment.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
# 3
Treatment went as the other two have and so nothing exciting to report...EXCEPT...met another lady in the dressing room and she is half way through her 6 weeks of radiation. She LOVED my hair and asked me how many treatments I had left. We visited for quite awhile and we discovered that we both have watery eyes and figure it is from the chemo. Interesting. Then she shared that she was afraid to take her hormone therapy pills. I was able to share that I also am on hormone therapy and not to be afraid. Nice. I got to help and encourage someone today. She was very bubbly and chatty and we carried on quite a conversation. It continued out to the waiting room where Mark was. We go out there in our gowns and wait for out turn so she was in her gown and I was on my way out the door (fully dressed in my own clothes).
I noticed another lady in a different waiting room and I thought that I remembered her and it in fact was her. She has been diagnosed with double lung cancer and it has gone to her brain! Yikes! Another moment of gratitude for me.
Today there was a man in the waiting room with me. He will be done with his treatments on Monday. He has prostate cancer. He and Mark had quite a little visit while I stared blankly at the cooking show on the tv over head.
By the time I am done with these treatments I will be able to find my way out of that place. The girls that work the machine that zaps me tell me to follow the daisy pictures but I can never find any daisy pictures after the first one... There is a whole community behind the scenes. I think I have stumbled across most of it trying to find my way out of my assigned space.
# 4 tomorrow. So far so good :)
I noticed another lady in a different waiting room and I thought that I remembered her and it in fact was her. She has been diagnosed with double lung cancer and it has gone to her brain! Yikes! Another moment of gratitude for me.
Today there was a man in the waiting room with me. He will be done with his treatments on Monday. He has prostate cancer. He and Mark had quite a little visit while I stared blankly at the cooking show on the tv over head.
By the time I am done with these treatments I will be able to find my way out of that place. The girls that work the machine that zaps me tell me to follow the daisy pictures but I can never find any daisy pictures after the first one... There is a whole community behind the scenes. I think I have stumbled across most of it trying to find my way out of my assigned space.
# 4 tomorrow. So far so good :)
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
#2 done :)
Mark and I went in all prepared for me to get my blood drawn and I read on the doctors orders that I need to fast! Grrrrr... So I will have blood drawn tomorrow at 8:15.
My second treatment went well except that I was not supposed to take off a little sticker that was left on my body for a purpose...I don't remember anyone telling me to leave it on. Now I know.
When I was in the dressing room getting my clothes out of the locker, there was a lady standing there trying to figure out who was in her dressing room (there is only one) and I told her that it was me. She smiled and told me that today is her last treatment and how many did I have left...she tried to sound encouraging when I said 31 :) She asked me if I had breast cancer and I said yes and when I asked her about her cancer, she said that hers had metastasized by the time that it was discovered. She had gone in complaining about back pain near her kidney and they found a tumor deep in her breast. When she said " there is no cure for me" I felt a sort of out of body experience. She has been going through one chemo or another and now a few radiation treatments to try to slow it down I guess. She's been doing this for over 2 years! She looked great! If you saw her on the street you would not know that she is not well! We chatted for quite awhile about our treatments and how we feel and so on. She asked me if I had lost my hair and that it was gorgeous :) and she made my day of course! I introduced myself just as I was about to leave ( I got ungowned and dressed in front of her) and she introduced herself to me. I felt like I had known her for a very long time. I think there is a certain kinship with 'boobless' women. There was a quiet strength and courage that I felt as I walked out of that room.
Then I cried as I told Mark about this brave lady and once again determined that I am so grateful for every day that the Lord has given me. I also committed not to whine because my head feels like it has cotton on the right side and because I have a sinus headache (I think)....of course you know that is not true...I will whine again and again the Lord will put someone in my path like this lady today to remind me that all is well....don't sweat the small stuff and it is all small stuff!
My second treatment went well except that I was not supposed to take off a little sticker that was left on my body for a purpose...I don't remember anyone telling me to leave it on. Now I know.
When I was in the dressing room getting my clothes out of the locker, there was a lady standing there trying to figure out who was in her dressing room (there is only one) and I told her that it was me. She smiled and told me that today is her last treatment and how many did I have left...she tried to sound encouraging when I said 31 :) She asked me if I had breast cancer and I said yes and when I asked her about her cancer, she said that hers had metastasized by the time that it was discovered. She had gone in complaining about back pain near her kidney and they found a tumor deep in her breast. When she said " there is no cure for me" I felt a sort of out of body experience. She has been going through one chemo or another and now a few radiation treatments to try to slow it down I guess. She's been doing this for over 2 years! She looked great! If you saw her on the street you would not know that she is not well! We chatted for quite awhile about our treatments and how we feel and so on. She asked me if I had lost my hair and that it was gorgeous :) and she made my day of course! I introduced myself just as I was about to leave ( I got ungowned and dressed in front of her) and she introduced herself to me. I felt like I had known her for a very long time. I think there is a certain kinship with 'boobless' women. There was a quiet strength and courage that I felt as I walked out of that room.
Then I cried as I told Mark about this brave lady and once again determined that I am so grateful for every day that the Lord has given me. I also committed not to whine because my head feels like it has cotton on the right side and because I have a sinus headache (I think)....of course you know that is not true...I will whine again and again the Lord will put someone in my path like this lady today to remind me that all is well....don't sweat the small stuff and it is all small stuff!
Monday, October 24, 2011
treatment 1 done!
I'm baaaack!
Mark and I had a little lunch before my treatment at the little snack bar at the cancer institute. Yummy chicken with wild rice soup. I got to swipe my little card and walked in like I knew what I was doing except I didn't know where I was going until I saw 'women's dressing room'. Mark went in with me and we got to know the lay of the land :)
There were lots of x-rays taken and finally I was given my treatment. No it didn't hurt and I didn't feel a thing except tired from holding my arms up. The left side of my chest is all marked up and I am guessing that is where they 'zapped' me. I was told that my immune system will not be as compromised as it was with the chemo but to try to stay away from people with colds or that are sick in any way. So pretty much the same as when I was going through chemotherapy.
I was also asked to kiss my grand babies on the top of their heads if they have the sniffles and not their precious little faces.
Tomorrow I go in at 11:45. I will be bouncing around for awhile until I settle in at 10:15. I think that starts on Thursday.
Will report in manana.
Mark and I had a little lunch before my treatment at the little snack bar at the cancer institute. Yummy chicken with wild rice soup. I got to swipe my little card and walked in like I knew what I was doing except I didn't know where I was going until I saw 'women's dressing room'. Mark went in with me and we got to know the lay of the land :)
There were lots of x-rays taken and finally I was given my treatment. No it didn't hurt and I didn't feel a thing except tired from holding my arms up. The left side of my chest is all marked up and I am guessing that is where they 'zapped' me. I was told that my immune system will not be as compromised as it was with the chemo but to try to stay away from people with colds or that are sick in any way. So pretty much the same as when I was going through chemotherapy.
I was also asked to kiss my grand babies on the top of their heads if they have the sniffles and not their precious little faces.
Tomorrow I go in at 11:45. I will be bouncing around for awhile until I settle in at 10:15. I think that starts on Thursday.
Will report in manana.
Day 1 of 33
Today is the first day for my radiation therapy. I have been fighting a little impending doom feeling :(
I am not sure what it is but I have the feeling that this is a little bigger dog than the chemotherapy was. I have been taking the new meds so maybe that is what is causing the blah feeling. I wake up feeling like something is not right and cannot put my finger on it. Prayer sometimes is just "please help me Lord". I know that is enough... Mark has not been well and there is other stuff going on in my extended family but I know that there is nothing I can do about that so I just keep praying and giving it over to God...and then taking it back....and giving it over ...and back and forth.
Maybe it's the time of year...everything is dead and blowing away. Even our Lupe dog is acting strange. She acts like she doesn't know us when we call her to come into the house. She is so old and frail. HA! Sort of like I feel.
So with all of the positive that I can muster, here I go....Lord, can you hear me? A little nervous here...I am really trying hard to be glad that this is the last leg of the race but I am tired...maybe that's it....so tired. Tears? OK then, maybe a good cry will relieve the pressure.
Ok Flashlights and Firefly, remember what to pray for. Here I go ...
Will fill you in later on how it went.
I am not sure what it is but I have the feeling that this is a little bigger dog than the chemotherapy was. I have been taking the new meds so maybe that is what is causing the blah feeling. I wake up feeling like something is not right and cannot put my finger on it. Prayer sometimes is just "please help me Lord". I know that is enough... Mark has not been well and there is other stuff going on in my extended family but I know that there is nothing I can do about that so I just keep praying and giving it over to God...and then taking it back....and giving it over ...and back and forth.
Maybe it's the time of year...everything is dead and blowing away. Even our Lupe dog is acting strange. She acts like she doesn't know us when we call her to come into the house. She is so old and frail. HA! Sort of like I feel.
So with all of the positive that I can muster, here I go....Lord, can you hear me? A little nervous here...I am really trying hard to be glad that this is the last leg of the race but I am tired...maybe that's it....so tired. Tears? OK then, maybe a good cry will relieve the pressure.
Ok Flashlights and Firefly, remember what to pray for. Here I go ...
Will fill you in later on how it went.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Break almost over!!!
So I went to dr. appts today and all went well. I start radiation next Monday ! FOR REALS! I thought that I had a month off or at least 2-3 weeks! He wanted to start tomorrow but I said that I had plans to see my Lewistown grand babies...I got the tattoos that we need for the radiation and only one of them was uncomfortable. I got my own little card with a bar code on it so that I scan it when I come in and take my place in line...moo, moo ;) HA! Dr. S said that very little of my left lung would get radiation and that sort of concerned me but he explained that they wanted to make sure that there were no stray cancer cells in my lung near where the tumor was. Mark very calmly said " you have another lung"....I do believe that he was having an episode because he really did not SEEM to be saying it sarcastically! I just cannot imagine that he would think that it is ok to fry one of my lungs! I will be getting 33 treatments (if that is what they are called) and I think that I will be done with them around Thanksgiving. What a Thanksgiving that will be!
I am a little tired right now but I think it is because my day started with a bang at 5 this morning when the air compressor started up. Mark forgot to turn it off and it decided to kick in at that hour of the morning.
I am looking forward to my visit in Lewistown and to catch up on a little R & R while I play with Autumn and Dominic. Both Mark and I love to visit our family in Lewistown.
Flashlights (and firefly), I need your prayers for the Lord to protect my lung and that I will not burn too badly from the radiation. The dr. said that my arm pit will probably burn and peel and that I should expect to be tired...I feel greedy asking for the Lord to help me in this like He did the chemo because I feel like a spoiled child that wants more and more. But that is what I am asking for....no burn and no fatigue :)
Greedy bugger....
I am a little tired right now but I think it is because my day started with a bang at 5 this morning when the air compressor started up. Mark forgot to turn it off and it decided to kick in at that hour of the morning.
I am looking forward to my visit in Lewistown and to catch up on a little R & R while I play with Autumn and Dominic. Both Mark and I love to visit our family in Lewistown.
Flashlights (and firefly), I need your prayers for the Lord to protect my lung and that I will not burn too badly from the radiation. The dr. said that my arm pit will probably burn and peel and that I should expect to be tired...I feel greedy asking for the Lord to help me in this like He did the chemo because I feel like a spoiled child that wants more and more. But that is what I am asking for....no burn and no fatigue :)
Greedy bugger....
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Chemo -Done!
My last treatment was almost ant-climactic. I don't know what I thought I would feel except that it felt like any other day. I felt sort of sad that I would not see Deanna weekly and would not get to sit in my cushy chair to snooze if I wanted but all in all I am very grateful. So many people to thank at Sletten , they were all amazing and caring people. God hand picked every one of them to be in my life and to take part in my care.
Whitney and Kay showed up toward the end of my session and we all went out for lunch after wards. We laughed and talked and remembered how I cried a little at the very first chemo treatment as Nurse Deanna explained what was going to happen...Funny, I don't remember her explaining anything to me. I only remember how much it hurt to have the port accessed because I had just had it put in the day before and I was swollen and raw!!! I think I remember Deanna saying that it looked pretty sore but she thought that she could still get it in.....I must have blacked out after that because I don't remember her sitting down with us to explain the procedure. WAIT...there is a memory of both Summer and Whitney being there as well as the brothers-in-law (Mark and Bruce) . Deanna thought that Bruce was my brother NOT my ex-husband! HA! Laughter even in the beginning :)
Yesterday Dr. M prescribed some kind of beta blocker for my blood pressure (has been a little high) especially since he heard that my sister had her first heart attack in her early 50's and just had another one this last week. He also gave me some kind of estrogen blocker. I didn't know that old women still produced estrogen but I guess we do and if there are any cancer cells left, cancer likes estrogen...I thought the radiation would take care of that but he said that he would probably keep me on this for the rest of my life because of the size of my tumor. It may cause me to have hot flashes (oh yay) and that he WANTS me to have them because it means that it is working. He also happened to throw in "Dr. W will take your port out soon. It is a very simple office procedure. Painless".... Barney Fife look again for me! If it is so painless why did I have to go to the hospital and get knocked out to have it put in? OH NO! That is all I heard after that and I have been fighting off little panic attacks....where are those anti- anxiety pills he gave me?
Next he said that I will be seeing a radiology oncologist on Monday the 17 of this month. Before that I will visit my primary care physician and she will give me the dreaded 'female' exam. :(
Right after those two appts. Mark and I are off to Lewistown to visit Dana, Summer, Autumn and Dominic for a couple of days. I will slip away one of the days that I am there to go to Billings to visit my sister and come home that evening. I have much to do while I am on chemo break.
I love this time of the year because somehow it feels cozy to me. There are some feelings of nostalgia that come with this time of the year but I rather like it. I think of how my mother would sit at the window and the tears would run down her face as she saw the leaves turning yellow and the flowers were dying. She seemed sad but now I feel that Fall was just not her favorite time of the year. I miss her so much. I get to see her every time I look in the mirror :) My curly white hair is just like she liked her perms to look! AND I look like her :)
All is well in my world today...it is exactly as it should be. To God be the Glory.
Whitney and Kay showed up toward the end of my session and we all went out for lunch after wards. We laughed and talked and remembered how I cried a little at the very first chemo treatment as Nurse Deanna explained what was going to happen...Funny, I don't remember her explaining anything to me. I only remember how much it hurt to have the port accessed because I had just had it put in the day before and I was swollen and raw!!! I think I remember Deanna saying that it looked pretty sore but she thought that she could still get it in.....I must have blacked out after that because I don't remember her sitting down with us to explain the procedure. WAIT...there is a memory of both Summer and Whitney being there as well as the brothers-in-law (Mark and Bruce) . Deanna thought that Bruce was my brother NOT my ex-husband! HA! Laughter even in the beginning :)
Yesterday Dr. M prescribed some kind of beta blocker for my blood pressure (has been a little high) especially since he heard that my sister had her first heart attack in her early 50's and just had another one this last week. He also gave me some kind of estrogen blocker. I didn't know that old women still produced estrogen but I guess we do and if there are any cancer cells left, cancer likes estrogen...I thought the radiation would take care of that but he said that he would probably keep me on this for the rest of my life because of the size of my tumor. It may cause me to have hot flashes (oh yay) and that he WANTS me to have them because it means that it is working. He also happened to throw in "Dr. W will take your port out soon. It is a very simple office procedure. Painless".... Barney Fife look again for me! If it is so painless why did I have to go to the hospital and get knocked out to have it put in? OH NO! That is all I heard after that and I have been fighting off little panic attacks....where are those anti- anxiety pills he gave me?
Next he said that I will be seeing a radiology oncologist on Monday the 17 of this month. Before that I will visit my primary care physician and she will give me the dreaded 'female' exam. :(
Right after those two appts. Mark and I are off to Lewistown to visit Dana, Summer, Autumn and Dominic for a couple of days. I will slip away one of the days that I am there to go to Billings to visit my sister and come home that evening. I have much to do while I am on chemo break.
I love this time of the year because somehow it feels cozy to me. There are some feelings of nostalgia that come with this time of the year but I rather like it. I think of how my mother would sit at the window and the tears would run down her face as she saw the leaves turning yellow and the flowers were dying. She seemed sad but now I feel that Fall was just not her favorite time of the year. I miss her so much. I get to see her every time I look in the mirror :) My curly white hair is just like she liked her perms to look! AND I look like her :)
All is well in my world today...it is exactly as it should be. To God be the Glory.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
# 11 is done! One left!!!
Another one bites the dust!
As usual it was a very pleasant experience in the chemo 'suite' today. Mark and I joined the young man that I spoke about a few blogs back and his wife. She waved to me and commented on my hair. They seem like a very sweet young couple. He was sleeping and I joined him in slumber a little while later. It seemed to go very quickly today and I felt almost sad as I was leaving. Waaa, I will miss Nurse Deanna and all of our laughter. I will still be in same building for my radiation treatments so I can pop in and say hello ;)
I am feeling a little fuzzy in my thoughts again and am assuming it is the 'medicine' that is racing in my veins that is the culprit.
I was suddenly aware that this week I am withdrawing again mentally. I am a talker as many of you know. I like guts on the table and then sort out the truth...My AA sponsor (COS) taught me from day one to be brutally honest.
I am getting chemo pumped into my body weekly and I am expecting to feel normal! The height of grandiosity. God has truly protected me but my body is still flesh and blood. Throw in the fact that my beloved sister had a heart attack on Monday and my humanness REALLY took over.
Strange how reality shakes us out of our auto pilot mode. I sent out prayer requests and everyone responded immediately. I dropped to my knees and started praying in her behalf. I pushed back the tears like a good little care giver. Talk about a helpless feeling! I helped take care of her when she had her first one about 5 or 6 years ago. This time it is not going to be that way because her wonderful children have stepped in to help their mother. AND I can't be there until my chemo is done. So guess what? The world goes on with out me! HA! I had to get off of the throne and let God get back on....He totally took care of her and she is home as I am writing this. After talking with her, I know that she is on the mend because her language is very colorful again!!!
So anyway, enough about her, now back to me : ). I came home and took a nice 2 hour nap but I woke up with a stomach ache and my body felt shakey. Grrrr, # 11 is trying to be a little different than the other treatments...or wait! Maybe it was the Cajun food that I had for lunch with fried pickles as appetizers...ugh...doesn't even sound good right now.
Next week is my last one and I am thrilled!
Memo to me....Let go and Let God do what only He can do (bucket head)
As usual it was a very pleasant experience in the chemo 'suite' today. Mark and I joined the young man that I spoke about a few blogs back and his wife. She waved to me and commented on my hair. They seem like a very sweet young couple. He was sleeping and I joined him in slumber a little while later. It seemed to go very quickly today and I felt almost sad as I was leaving. Waaa, I will miss Nurse Deanna and all of our laughter. I will still be in same building for my radiation treatments so I can pop in and say hello ;)
I am feeling a little fuzzy in my thoughts again and am assuming it is the 'medicine' that is racing in my veins that is the culprit.
I was suddenly aware that this week I am withdrawing again mentally. I am a talker as many of you know. I like guts on the table and then sort out the truth...My AA sponsor (COS) taught me from day one to be brutally honest.
I am getting chemo pumped into my body weekly and I am expecting to feel normal! The height of grandiosity. God has truly protected me but my body is still flesh and blood. Throw in the fact that my beloved sister had a heart attack on Monday and my humanness REALLY took over.
Strange how reality shakes us out of our auto pilot mode. I sent out prayer requests and everyone responded immediately. I dropped to my knees and started praying in her behalf. I pushed back the tears like a good little care giver. Talk about a helpless feeling! I helped take care of her when she had her first one about 5 or 6 years ago. This time it is not going to be that way because her wonderful children have stepped in to help their mother. AND I can't be there until my chemo is done. So guess what? The world goes on with out me! HA! I had to get off of the throne and let God get back on....He totally took care of her and she is home as I am writing this. After talking with her, I know that she is on the mend because her language is very colorful again!!!
So anyway, enough about her, now back to me : ). I came home and took a nice 2 hour nap but I woke up with a stomach ache and my body felt shakey. Grrrr, # 11 is trying to be a little different than the other treatments...or wait! Maybe it was the Cajun food that I had for lunch with fried pickles as appetizers...ugh...doesn't even sound good right now.
Next week is my last one and I am thrilled!
Memo to me....Let go and Let God do what only He can do (bucket head)
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