Well everyone, the sadness has passed! In fact it was gone by Monday. I guess the devil just flew past and took a poke at me...NOT FUN! Any way, I went to Lewistown on Tue. to get a massage from Summer and thoroughly enjoyed the day with her and Autumn and Dominic. Dana came home for lunch so he could watch the babies while I got my massage. I was able to stay for awhile and then I stopped in on the COS before I went to visit my dear friends, Curt and Noreen. The COS (crazy old sponsor) and I got a huge laugh over the way our lives have spit us out...old and dilapidated!!!!:)But we were laughing like only those of us who have survived a life threatening addiction can laugh...with much gratitude.
I came home with 3 great looking books to read from Curt and Noreen's and I am also going to start crocheting again while I recline through the rest of my treatments. I need to be doing my part at staying healthy. Resting sounds like it is on the agenda for me from now on.
Dr. M told me today that my blood count is low and that if it gets much lower we are not going to keep going with the chemo. We will need to take a break because I am now anemic as well from it. Then he said "Wait! there is one more thing that I can do to raise your blood count." Yay, so it sounds like I will be getting some kind of blood 'booster' shot so that I don't go into the danger zone. Mark kept himself busy putting warm blankets on me and the other two ladies that were in the chemo ward in my section. There was a new lady getting her first treatment and it felt good to sort of walk her through it and encourage her to not be afraid. The lady across the room was sort of distant acting and would not make eye contact but she was bald so I knew that she was not a newbie. I noticed that she was wiping away tears once in awhile so I finally jumped in on her quiet moment when I asked loudly across the room " how many more do you have left?" The look she gave me was almost spooky but she asked back "are you talking to me?" me: "yes" (smiling and thinking, I come in peace...) she answered rather curtly " five, normally I go to Benefis. I don't know why the hell I bother, I have a blood disease as well and I am very sick". me: ' Some days are really hard aren't they? I had a very weepy day on Friday and could not quit crying" she nodded her head and then she laid back in her recliner which I took to mean-ok lady be quiet, I am done talking.
She did not sit up again. BUT...you knew this was coming...when I was done with my treatment she was still there and I went over and laid my hand on her shoulder and said quietly, " I will be praying for you." She kept her eyes closed for a moment and then she looked at me sideways and said ' thank you.... thank you." She closed her eyes and I prayed silently as I walked away.
Yesterday Curt and Noreen and I were talking about how God allows us to go through things to help other people...I am thinking that I just saw this today in the chemo ward. I pray that I get to see her next week. I don't know her name but God does!
Next week I get a rough draft letter that I can send to our 'powers that be' in Helena concerning the drug companies that are not making as much of the generic chemo that works as good as the more expensive ones. Dr ? is writing the info for me and he told us some very sad stories of cases where it has been life and death for some people.
A side bar-- he feels that my surgery saved my life and that the chemo is just a precaution to clean up any loose 'ends' that may have escaped.
This blog could go on for quite awhile so will stop it now. Lots happened today and I met lots of new survivors that had never said a word to me before in the waiting room. Maybe I looked a little pinched before I had my 'meltdown'.
To Our God be the Glory
Aug.2012
Mark and I ready for Blades wedding
The first ring
Dec. 7 2011
the bell of Victory!
Reading the plaque
Patients ring this bell on their last treatment.
6 comments:
Dear Julie, you saw the face of Christ in that lady, and she saw Him in you...what a beautiful moment! Thank you, as always, for sharing! Love, Patti
Awesome Mother!!! There was a reason to go to the dumps and climb out so you could understand exactly where that woman was in her mind and heart. You little Positive Pusher. You're a pusher your a total pusher! God deal! Yes I meant God deal not good deal;) It was wonderful as always to see you and spend time with you an I can't believe the only thing we did was move a bench! It felt great to just relax. I love you Mother!
When we get out of ourselves is when we become closer to our God. You are the ever sharing person that I am so proud to call my sister. I felt that ladies pain and sadness (and yes, I even cried a bit) when you were sharing and I can just hope I have that strength you have if I ever become ill with this disease. Love you and Mark very much.
Thank you for taking that moment for her, Julie. You will never know what it meant to her. Maybe she was having one of those dark days and couldn't let you in right then.
This is my 3rd try to send comment. HOPE IT FINDS YOU IN A GOOD PLACE. The lady in the chemo ward with you was so blessed by you. She is soo frightened and probably angery and you being there to touch her will let her know you all feel the same. That she is not alone. We all feel that way when Bad things happen to us GOOD people. GOD BLESS YOU NOW AND FOREVER. Firefly
Julie I am always so encouraged after I read your posts. I would love to talk to you some evening if you have time. Just give me a call when you feel up to it. Just taking each day one step at a time. Love you guys!
Janice in KC
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