2017 - So Over this! God are you listeneing?

I have no idea when my last blog was but I think it must be at least 2 years.  I know that I have written a few and not posted them because I sounded like a  mad woman!  I recognize that I have much anger deep inside that rears it's ugly head every once in a while and nothing gets resolved really...I just end up feeling more frustrated with guilt at what a bitch I am thrown in.  I have no more reserves to tap into and I emotionally can not carry on as I have been for the last year or so.  Although God has provided all that we need and more,  I still carry around the dead carcass of resentment to a man that no longer exists....his physical body is still here but who he was is no longer.  My loyalty to my husband is a blurred line with this anxiety and frustration mixed in there.  The physical body that is here living in our home is a