April 2013! Really?

I am so surprized when I realize that months have flown by and it has now been 2 years since I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  I wish that I could say that my life has been peachy keen and that all is well now.  I guess I can say that it is peachy on some days but deep in my gut there is something missing.  I can't quite put my finger on it  and apparently God does not want to reveal it to me .  Dang, I wish He would just tell me what it is already.

I find that if I stay in the moment and really be present in it , I feel better.  A few months ago I had been struggling with lots of shoulder and back pain.  It was daily agony and I tried to muscle through it but some days it was all I could do to keep it together.  I had a melt down a while back and I was taken off of one of the meds that was making me koo koo but the chronic pain was making  me feel just as nuts.   I went to pilates and got massages and did not get lasting relief.   I have now joined the old ladies gym (Curves) and am feeling better physically as time goes by.   I think I have been in a hurry to get to wherever it is that breast cancer survivors go!  I refuse to believe that God brought me through all that He has to have me live a life of mediocrity.

My life has been pretty consumed with Mark and his health and have not worked on my stuff.
I am finally feeling the grief of losing the Mark that I married and adjusting to what the brain seizures    
have left us with.  Every day is different :) Please God give me strength and wisdom.

It's Spring out side and I feel it in my soul as well.
Saturday was such a picture perfect day ( even with the wind blowing) because my 5 little grand babies were outside running all over the place. They went out there clean and fresh faced and by the time they came in, they all had dirty faces and had been running for hours!!! Tired babes and LaLa and Papa!

Happy April 22, 2013 !