and the beat goes on

Almost a month and no blogging....getting complacent?  I guess I think that I am done writing because I am finished with last year.   However, the evidence that my body has been through quite a battle is very apparent.  Not just the scars that have replaced my breasts, but my aching joints from the anti hormone drug that I am on and NOW, my eyelashes are falling out again!  I am down to about 5 on one eyelid and maybe 6 or if I am really counting, maybe 7 on the other.  My friend that went through the same thing a few months before me had just told me a few weeks ago that her eyelashes were falling out again and I wondered if that would happen to me as well....well, wonder no more....chicken eye lids!

If you were tracking me, you would notice that my foot prints have been very zig zaggy for the last month or so.  I have been the great wanderer trying to find my right niche again.  I have not really been trying very hard to fit in any where but I was feeling a little confused and sort of lost there for a while.  

I have started spending my first waking moments in prayer and asking God for guidance for the day.  After prayer, I read a psalm and do a study on what I have read.  It seems to have brought my focus back to my first love, God, and taken it off of the almighty ME.  It feels right.  I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.

Every day seems to bring me a little bit more of emotional strength and mental clarity.  I have a tendency to isolate because I don't want to reveal anything to anyone that they may use against me at a later date ....just as I am typing this I realize that paranoia has been my close companion for a little while as well.   Geez, talk about a looney tune! 

As I write this, I know that I can now say, " Last year was a very scarey time for me ".  I know that I was not alone but you know what I am saying...Little Miss Much Afraid...that was me. 
I can now say that I made it and it was ALL because of prayers and God's mercy.

So moving right along- Mark and I have been busy with little finishing touches on our little pad.  I feel alive again with anticipation of the future. I am not 100% yet but it feels so good to be alive and feel like doing something around here.  Mark and I do our 'busy' work around our nap schedules so it is slow but our home will be finished soon.  Then it is time to work on the patio....

Thank you Lord for my life.